I recently saw some Forwards posted on blogs; I think this is a much better way to spread these funny messages, since I strongly dislike Forwards (as in, only send them occasionally and if I’m gonna fall off my chair laughing). While this isn’t fall-off-my-chair-laughing, it is amusing and at least blog-worthy:

Are you tired of those sissy ‘friendship’ poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cute little smiley faces on this card, just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

• When you are sad —  I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.When you are blue — I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
• When you smile — I will know you are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in.
• When you are scared — I will rag you about it every chance I get until you aren’t scared anymore.
• When you are worried — I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
• When you are confused — I will try to use only little words.
• When you are sick —  Stay the hell away from me until you are well again.  I don’t want whatever you have. (Unless you are sick because of #1. (being drunk). – I will hold your head up over the toilet, but I’m not cleaning any of it up.)
• When you fall — I will laugh at your clumsy ass, but I’ll help you up.

This is my oath…. I pledge it to the end. ‘Why?’ you may ask;  because you are my friend.

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