Desire for Independence
June 11th, 2008 by monnibo | Personal, Rant
At what age did you move out of your parent’s house? When did the pros (free food, free room, free home, tv, phone, internet, etc) outweigh the need and desire to be yourself and independent? What did you do to prepare? How much did you save up? How did you sustain yourself? What kind of place did you look for and how did you go about getting/renting it? What about references? All these questions are floating around in my brain, and I need a perspective that isn’t my parents. I would appreciate any insight you can send my way! (Note: those are not my boxes… but damn I wish they were!)
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June 12th, 2008 at 6:09 am
ROFL… Need to come hang out in no longer balmy VA?
When I somewhat unexpectedly took the job with the fire department a few days shy of my 20th birthday, I planned to live at home with Daddy. Almost falling asleep on my hour-long commute a couple of mornings after 24 hour shift work changed my mind, so about six weeks after my 21st birthday, I moved into my first apartment. I’m pretty sure Daddy wrote the first checks, and I do remember my mother making a rare appearance to help me unpack. As a City Firefighter with deposit, first and last month’s rent in hand, I think my references were a formality, and it was so long ago I don’t recall specifics. I doubt that helps much, but there you go.
Oh – and I knew I wanted a two-bedroom, because I had two bedroom sets. Since the UVA students had already gobbled up a lot of the rentals, I took what I could get, which was in a no undergrad complex without washer and dryer in each apartment. The pool and the laundry center were both several buildings away, but it worked out for over a year.
June 12th, 2008 at 9:57 am
Hi! I haven’t really read your blog yet, so I’m not sure where all you’re at, but here’s my commentary!
Though I live at home during the summer (for all the free reasons you have mentioned above) I live on my own during the school year. I started going away to school when I was 14, and at the time all I wanted was to get as far away as I could. By the end of High School I couldn’t wait to come home to my parents, having patched up our previously terrible relationship. Now I only leave because I have to. I think having some distance from my parents was really good for all of us, it gave me the chance to make some of my own decisions and mistakes, and thus see the wisdom in much of what my parents told me. They respect my ability to make good choices, and I respect their experience.
I don’t know what kind of area you live in, or really what the housing is like where you live, but some things that I consider important are these:
-If you are moving away and needing a new job make sure you’ve saved enough for about three months rent, besides security deposits (in addition to whatever bills you typically pay). If you don’t need it for rent you’ll need it for food or something.
-Find a place where utilities are included in the room and board, or it’s very easy for the costs to build up.
-Have references, and remember that you can ask for references from your landlord! If you’ve never lived away from home ask employers, neighbors, family friends, whoever can vouch for your character.
-For my area, Craigslist has been really great. Also, my University has an off-campus housing bulletin online, so try searching if you live near a school.
-Housemates can make expenses like food, internet and rent easier to stomach, and it’s nice to have company in the evenings.
-Be prepared to make a lot of phone calls. Finding a place may take time, but don’t give up! Also be prepared to eat a lot of PB&J:)
One last thing! It’s a good idea to bring someone with you when you meet a landlord or check out a place, because two sets of eyes are better than one, and when one of you is talking to the landlord the other can look around.
Anyhow, I know absolutely nothing about you, having just found your blog through your comment on mine, but Hi, I’m Robin Marie, and that’s my opinion on housing:) I hope it was helpful!
June 12th, 2008 at 9:58 am
Holy crap that’s a long comment, sorry!
June 12th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
Hi M ~ I moved out of my parent’s house when I was 23ish. (And it was well time I left!) I rented a 2 bedroom place with a friend. I didn’t need to worry about refs because my friend has previously rented a bachelor suite from the same complex. I liked living with a friend because 1) it lowers the cost of things and 2) it was nice havng some company (we got to be pretty good friends because of it). This place did not have laundry in the suite, but where I live now does. If you get the option go for the suite with ensuite laundry. Even if it costs a bit more, its well worth it! Good luck!
June 12th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
I moved off to attend college just after I turned 18. I never had the chance to “go back” as my folks split as soon as the door hit my backside… I encourage my boys to live home until they can truly afford a place of their own. That includes having several months of rent saved up in addition to all the other “move in” cost….which are a lot of $$. When the boys are in school, they pay no rent. When they are done with school, for whatever reason, (quit, finish) they have to pay us rent. What they didn’t know, was that we were saving that money for them to help them when moving time came. If you had good self-control, you could do the saving on your own. Take some time to really think this through, moving back in with parents is usually unhappy (sucky) for everybody after a failed attempt to live on your own.
June 12th, 2008 at 6:11 pm
Umm, well….I don’t know if I am much help as I moved out of my mom’s house when I a few months shy of being 18. I didn’t really weigh pros and cons too much. I guess I wanted to be with my husband and my mom was driving me bonkers. So Giggles and I told hubby that we were coming to live with him in FL, where he was stationed in the Navy. Hubby flew up to OH on a 3 day leave pass, we packed as much as we could into our Mercury Topaz and drove off to the townhome hubby had secured for us in Orlando. About 2.5 miles from base. I don’t recommend this way for anyone. But 13.5 years later and we are still going strong…so I guess is can’t be all bad.
But my little sister recently moved out with her boyfriend and they rent a house. Both of them have good jobs and cars, just paying off school debt. They more moved so her boyfriend would be out of his house because I guess his mommy was a bit more involved in their relationship than either of them wanted. She is 24, btw.
June 12th, 2008 at 6:28 pm
Well, thankfully my parents had a 100+ year old house that had a mother-in-law apartment in the downstairs. It worked out really well for me, but if they hadn’t had that, I would have gone insane. LOL
June 14th, 2008 at 9:33 pm
For me, moving out of my folks’ home came gradually. I went away for college, returning in the summers. I started paying for things on my own the same way, even before I “officially” moved out of my parents’ home. When I entered graduate school at the age of 22, I took an even bigger leap and was pretty much on my own at that point. I didn’t go home that summer, but stayed with a cousin and worked to pay her rent and other expenses. I was paying my own way at that point. My parents would probably tell you I officially moved out of their home when I was 24–that’s when I graduated from grad school, landed a full-time job, moved into an apartment and relieved my parents of all my furniture and belongings.
I didn’t put much thought into the pros and cons other than knowing that I wanted out of my parents’ house and away from the environment I grew up in. I didn’t want to be dependent or beholden to my parents if I could help it and so it was easy for me to cut the ties. I wasn’t so brave to do it all at once when I turned 18, but if I had been, I probably would have.
It’s been so long now that I really don’t remember the details. When I got my apartment in grad school, I roomed with another woman in my program. It worked out well for both of us. We both had saved money from jobs we’d been working, enough for first and last month’s rent. References probably came from employers, family and friends. We each wanted our own rooms and bathrooms, so a 2 bed/2 bath option was preferable.
I think it is different for each person. My brother-in-law is 33 and he still lives with his parents. He pays them a little bit of rent and helps with other expenses, but he’s pretty much had a free ride. It works for them.