I have had some traumatic events this week involving the bastard that calls his form of torture a profession. I speak of dentists in a whole – not just my evil dentist in particular. Yesterday I went to his horrible cave to have my teeth cleaned. His hygienist Fiona brought out the angry scraping tools first… I don’t need to describe the feeling of metal against your teeth, but it’s really like chewing tinfoil. Then she put this tool in my mouth that screamed like a drill, and honestly within 3 seconds of her putting this damn thing into my mouth, I screamed. I admit, I started tearing up out of sheer fear.

This hygienist freaked out! She got really worried because I already have sensitive teeth and thin enamel. My orthodontist attacked some of my teeth with a diamond disc one day when I was 14, deciding that he needed to make more room in my mouth. He decided all on his own that he would shave my teeth of their enamel… which didn’t even work and now it is still painful to floss. So anyway, this tool that screams like a drill is apparently a cleaning tool that emits and electromagnetic buzz to attack the plaque that allegedly plagues my teeth. This tool also spurts water so I was allowed to hold the sucking-tool.

Now, once this evil cleaning was done… with all the metal scraping, and violent flossing, and vicious attacking of my poor enamel-thin teeth… I asked if I had any cavities. “Not that I saw.” says the hygienist, Fiona, confidently. So when the call came from my mother today about an appointment booked for my fillings, I freaked out. I thought about the drill, the filling, the smell of drilled tooth, the needles, and the high pitch scrrreeeeammm of the drill. And I died a little inside… then began to bawl.

The result: I have some small decay that apparently he told me about last year around this time, and I never made my appointment to get it fixed. In two weeks I get to have 4 teeth drilled and filled. In consolation (according to the dentistry nurse) it’s only one surface of the tooth — there are 5 possible surfaces for decay to infect. Bullshit. The real consolation is that I will get freezing (not thinking about the needles) and apparently I will get some Adavan if I come in early. My mom told me the first time I had Adavan was when I got 4 molars pulled when I was 11 before my braces. “Mommy, my legs feel all wobbly. My feet feel like jello!”

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