No one from real life (as I know it) will see this. I can't trust them. I sometimes think I can't trust anyone really. I always have this strange feeling of “what if I do this- will someone betray me?” I dont want them to act weird around me either. If I tell someone exactly what I'm feeling, they might feel overwhelmed, or overloaded with me. They might get all geeeh? around me you know? I always second guess myself.

Just today Nigel was quizzing me with stuff and I was like oooy shit. I'm a terrible friend. I don't deserve my friends really. I couldn't remember his birthday. For some reason I said he was a Scorpio when I was like… um Pisces or Scorpio and I knew his birthday was in early February. I don't know why I said Scorpio. I'm just so damn inconsiderate. He remembered my birthday. I kept thinking his was Feb. 17th…. its not. Nigel's birthday is February 16th.

Now all this is built up inside. I don't even trust my best friend anymore. I don't know how I can, she likes to go overboard with things, and exaggerate. She is convinced that Jimmy likes me. He doesn't act any different around me then he does with other people. She gets all guiddy. She remembers his email. I don't trust anyone with emails. I'm always scared someone is talking behind my back.

I'm so insecure about myself that I can't be fully happy. I hate it. I hate me. I hate my life. I hate the world.